i assumed it was something they learned in eye doctor school. i imagined a lesson would go something like this: "is it less blurry with one...or two? three...or four? [now breathe your stinky breath on them so they are paying attention] five...or six?" i have been asked more than once if i've taken advanced shushing classes in library school, so i only feel a slight twinge of guilt for poking fun. i know they do all kinds of hard things with their numbers and nobs and eye patch thingamajigs, but life is more enjoyable when you're poking fun. so poke i will.
anyways, after a recent scare with a red eye (NOT a pink eye, just a red itchy eye) and the fact that my contacts were about a billion years old, i finally scheduled an appointment to get my eye health checked. you know, i'm getting old and i'm sure cataracts are in my future so you can never be too cautious. a wonderful friend of mine always stresses the importance of eye health and eye protection and she's obviously made an impression upon my eyes.
so i arrived a few minutes early to fill out the obligatory paperwork and was quickly called back. (i love it when it's my turn immediately. it's the same satisfaction i get when i get the green arrow at a stoplight.) i went back to sit in the little room with all the gadgets that i'm always tempted to play with, and in sauntered (that's right ... sauntered) a beautiful, non-stinky-breath man.
i was immediately aware of my glasses, my lack of mascara, and the fact that i had not actually taken my hair out of the braid i had slept in the night before. of all the days to be lazy. thank god i had been chewing on half a piece of gum.
he was rather comical and i think new to the job based on his desire to explain every detail to me (ex: i will now put your info in the computer. my thought: that's okay dude, just do it and i'll catch on to what you're doing. i know i'm looking rough but my brain works at least a little). despite enjoying his beauty (which was painfully obvious even when i took off my glasses), i couldn't help but think it'd be better if he was less attractive because i'd be able to concentrate on actually answering the questions he was asking me instead of just giggling. i think i told him that i usually wear contacts and that my glasses were scratched, but i can't be sure. i might have just said "i love eye exams giggle giggle giggle."
anyways, i guess he was the eye doctor prepping man because after he puffed some glaucoma test into my eye and saw that while my vision may be poor, my peripheral vision kicked butt (yeah i rocked that clicker test), he left and said the doctor would be in shortly. lame dude, why can't you be the doctor?
i extended an overly eager "goodbye!" and sat waiting for the stinky breath to come my way. interestingly enough, this doctor didn't have stinky breath either (it must be something they require for hiring). and fortunately it wasn't a cute man. don't worry, you read that correctly. i said fortunately.
 |
eye doctors should just not be allowed to be attractive. he was fun to drool over for that short prepping time, but i would have lied and fumbled my way through the exam and ended up with binoculars for my contacts (which if we're being honest isn't that far off my prescription).
at least i got new contacts. no more karen brewer four-eyes for this girl!
